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Reduce Stress, Improve Results, and Gain Respect

I was reading a Blog Post from Tony Schwartz on the Harvard Business Review this week titled “No is the New Yes: Four Practices to Reprioritize Your Life” and it got me really thinking about a New Years Resolution I made this year.

RESOLUTION #4:
Learn to say no gracefully and earn respect while doing so.

Tony used this quote and I began to really reflect…
“A ‘No’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘Yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.” ~ Gandhi

What “Yes” Gets You
In my experience, saying yes solves problems. Saying yes puts out fires. Saying yes can also
land you in a time-crunched downward spiral with no reward but insanity.

You have three hours left in the day and you need five. You are behind with your reports, your sales calls, and returning calls. Your phone rings and you pick up.
Your boss says, “I need for you to prepare a 20 minute dog-and-pony for our meeting tomorrow at 10:00 A.M.”
You’re thinking, “Are you kidding? Is this some kind of Test?”. What you say is, “You bet. Do you need me to pick a topic?”

You just added an enormous amount of stress to your life. Why?

Tony says it’s a rush that’s why. I say because it’s easier to say yes than no. I think we both would agree also that it’s because you don’t have to think about “yes” right now, but to think about “no” and then to actually say it would be intense.

“Yes” without thought leads to trouble, period. Saying “no” holds much freedom. Now before I go out on the limb of “no” for a few minutes, let’s get a couple of things clear. I am not a proponent of “no” for the sake of laziness, meanness, or spite. Saying “no” for the sake of responsibility, thoughtfulness, and a sense of team is my intent.

Saying No
Saying “No” will create time in your life, but you must be discerning. You can’t just blast a couple of “no” answers out there for the fun of it. Let’s take the same scenario from above. Only this time, we’re going to explore no and how to do that tactfully, earn respect, and deliver a responsible outcome.

This time you say, “I wish I could, Boss. I know you thought of me because you count on me for getting things done, however I’m already behind by a few hours and I’m afraid I won’t make either of us proud with what I’ll have time to produce. Is there another way?”

You see the truth is, your boss probably found themselves overcommitted too and he/she is looking for help. You want to help, but you just can’t and do a good job for them. The key is to be honest with them and work for a solution together.

This works everywhere. Use it with your husband, wife, kids, friends, etc. You’ll begin to notice something. Respect. The people that you take this thoughtful approach with will start showing evidence that they see you as someone that knows what they’re doing. Why? Because you demonstrate a thoughtfulness of the Input/Output ratio and you want to impress. You know your limitations and you work within them.

Limitations? This word from a positive thinker? NO, from a responsible thinker. We all have limits at any given time. We may challenge those limits and even push our limits at times, but we all have limits at any given time in our current situation. Agreeing that you have limits does not limit you, it frees you to be better at whatever it is you are doing because your recognize your limits. That allows you to see your limits as a strategic piece on the playing field and not a brick wall.

3 Criteria for Using “No” Wisely
Take my advice. Tell someone “No” today. Use your answers to these 3 questions for using “no” wisely.

• Do you currently have the time and capacity to do what you’re being asked to do well, on time, or as expected? If the answer is yes, be a giver and help out.
• Can you successfully exceed your limits while doing the other things currently on your plate? If the answer is yes, be a giver and help out.
• Can the other things currently on your plate wait while you take on something new? If the answer is yes, be a giver and help out

If you cannot truthfully answer “yes” to all 3 of these then say no respectfully, reduce your stress, and gain the respect of the other person. They will see you as thoughtful and aware. They may not like the answer because it puts them right back in the hot seat with more to do than they have he capacity to do.

Tags: gain respect, improve results, management, reduce stress, say no, time management, work life